Finding My Way Down the Yellow Brick Road
A blog about a woman learning to redefine herself, as she becomes an "empty-nester"
My favorite story has always been,The Wizard of Oz. As an adult,my love for the story hasn't changed, however my interpretation of the story has grown. I began to see the story as a metaphor for life. Dorothy, the main character, is lost and can’t find her way. She thinks that there is something better outside her “world”. She struggles with thoughts that things are not good enough where she is… she isn’t loved, supported, brave enough, or smart enough. She is a “victim” in her situation, unable to change her circumstances. She believes "Somewhere over the Rainbow... skies are blue". As she struggles to find herself, she meets many characters along the way; the scarecrow, the Tinman, the Lion, Glenda the Good Witch, and the Wicked Witch. My favorite part of the story is when Dorothy finally realizes that the Great Oz doesn’t really exist. There is no magic person that can make her dreams come true. It is at this point that Glenda the Good Witch appears and teaches her the most important lesson of all. As Dorothy clicks her heels together 3 times, she still believes there is a magic cure, but as she does this Glenda the Good Witch reminds her, “You have always had the Power”.
Whenever I am feeling lost or afraid I try to remember Glenda’s message,“You have always had the Power”. There is no magic potion or no special "Wizard" that can give us our dreams… It is within us to make it happen. We each have the scarecrow, the lion, the tinman, the good witch and the evil witch inside of us. This blog will follow my path as I redefine “myself” after becoming an "empty-nester".
Follow along as I find my way down my own “Yellow Brick Road”.
In 2015, my only daughter graduated from high school. It was a difficult year for me to say the least. While I tried my hardest to enjoy ever milestone of that momentous year, I secretively dreaded each moment. The most bittersweet moment of the year, for me, was in December when Carson received her Early Decision Acceptance to her “dream” college, New York University. This made it real for me… she would be going to college. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz… I was stuck in the tornado! The “Tornado” finally dropped me, the date was late August and I was now in New York City.
It was time to move Carson into her new "home". It had been an exciting weekend, making countless trips to Bed, Bath and Beyond, rolling suitcases from the hotel to the dorm, meeting new friends, getting to know Carson’s new neighborhood and getting her set up in her "new home" … a dorm on 14th street, called Third North.
Once she was all settled in, came the moment I had dreaded, since the start of her senior year, the goodbyes. We decided to say our goodbyes at a local coffee shop. As my husband and I each hugged her, we both “secretively” handed her a “note”; you know the one that sums up 18 years of parenting making sure (in a panic) to include all the things we might have “forgotten” to teach her.
As I hugged Carson goodbye, just “one” more time, she left the coffee shop and headed out. My eyes were filled with tears as I watched her walk away on her NYU “Yellow Brick Road”. My life as a mom was about to change forever. I was feeling lost and afraid… How could I go home without her, what would I do to fill my time, had I been a good mom, who was I anymore? As these questions bombarded my thoughts, i began feeling hopeless and powerless. with tears still in my eyes, I looked out the window of the coffee shop and in front of me was this moving Van with the words, Oz: The Wizard of Moving. Maybe it was a sign from Glenda the Good Witch to me… “You have always had the Power… You can do this”
When my daughter was younger, I took great pride in being able to be a stay-at-home mom. I would go to social events and when someone asked, “What do you do?” I would smile and say, “I’m a stay-at-home mom”. Once my daughter started her first year at NYU. This question took on a whole new meaning. I was now "unemployed". I was attending an event with my husband, it wasn’t 10 minutes before I was asked THE question, “What do you do?”. In that moment, I felt like everyone at the party stopped what they were doing and talking about, all eyes were on me, including the imaginary SPOTLIGHT. For the first time in many years, I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t answer with my former “profession” … Stay-at-Home mom, because with no children at home that job no longer existed. It was at this time that I felt an enormous amount of shame. I had been a teacher and now was a “professional” volunteer but somehow those things didn’t seem adequate as an answer to THE question. The “voice” in my head told me I was less than, unemployed, and therefore unsuccessful. Here is where I (Dorothy) met the “scarecrow” … If I only had a brain… and with this, I was off to see the wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
After being a stay at home mom for the past 10 years, adjusting to an empty nest has been a difficult task. Finding myself, my interests and redefining my life goals has been a daunting task. Where do I start? I haven’t been to school in over 20 years and the thought of going back is scary. My memory isn’t the best these days; I mean. I often forget what I went into the kitchen for, so how in the world could I go back to school. What could I do? I started by making a list of the things I enjoy doing. My list included, teaching children, working with children with disabilities, helping my friends when they ask for advice, spending time with friends, life coaching, computers, and event planning. After my list, I started searching the internet for opportunities. Every time I started my search, the voice inside my head told me “you’re not brave enough to do this… ". I had no courage One day, I woke up, sat at the computer and decided I was going to find a new career, I wasn’t going to give up. I began by applying to UTSA to get a certificate in Applied Behavior Analysis, this would give me the opportunity to work with Autist children. I was excited to begin, proud of myself for filling out the application, tracking down my transcripts, and meeting with the head of the department at UTSA. I followed through, completed everything…but soon found out because of a strict deadline, I couldn’t start classes until the Spring. I needed something now. I was afraid if I didn’t start something right away I would lose my courage. Next on my list was to find a coding class, this would give me skills to teach children about coding, help my husband update his website, and fill my time learning a new skill. Again, I filled out the forms, went to the orientation and had the date of September 19 to start… I was scared, nervous, anxious, and excited. Here is where I (Dorothy) met the “lion” … If I only had the courage… and with this, I was off to see the wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.